I have a constant feeling to share with everyone how Claire is so amazing. Those that know her understand and know what I mean. To follow that, I want constantly want to share how in love I am with her. I cant express it enough. It’s just so hard to believe i wont be able to express my sentiments to her again.
I don’t even understand how time has passed, where the time has gone. It was just a short 4 weeks or maybe a long 4 weeks ago that I was shocked and removed from reality. How could this be real? What I saw was my most beautiful wife laying there, her motorcycle in flames next to her. I didn’t see the accident but as I rounded the corner on my bike I knew at what i was seeing. She was absolute grace in how she rode. She was very experienced and loved her bike and riding it. yet there she was, that grace would be no more.
For the past 4 weeks, every night I go to sleep yearning for her, to feel her, to smell her, and laugh with her as I once did. This is a pleasure and privilege I will never have again.
Every night I hope to dream of her. I haven’t had the dreams I in which I hope-rather just mundane typical dreams. She was in no way mundane or typical. I just want to see her. After all she was my literal dream girl.
But, Every morning I wake in disappointment, I wake alone.
I expected to spend every morning, every day and every night for the rest of my life with Claire, the love of my life. For some reason I never conceived that she would be with me for the rest of hers. I just never imaged she would go before me. The rest of my life will be without her next to me.
This is my new reality.
My thoughts are in-congruent but she is in them all. I miss the joy felt when I thought of her. Today my thoughts are continually interrupted with sorrow. I spend time looking at pictures of her and find myself missing her, and missing our future even that much more. Yet I cant take my eyes off her.
She was so happy and content, I was so happy and content, our marriage was happy and never did we have contention. We had been blessed with exactly what we needed, and that was each other.
I waited my whole life for this this amazing women. Now, I still do.